Dear Ashby,
A song by Paul Simon to his daughter came on the radio about a week ago. I had heard it before, but it struck me this time because he advised her to trust her instincts. He didn't say, don't talk to strangers, don't do drugs, don't be a sore loser...this concept intrigues me! What a fabulous and brilliant instruction!
What are instincts and intuition? We are born with them, they are built in. Our parents try to convey the weight of their life lessons to enhance their offspring's intuition. Also, is built in. I feel certain that the sigh and eye-roll response from the child is also built in. Talk is cheap. Experience is a better teacher than a parent. This is hard to admit as a parent, and I don't plan to share this with you for a long time!
While the desire to try out our intuition comes early in life, as a parent I see now that it's harder to let you experience failure authentically, than it is to protect you from it. If I'm shouting with my inner voice, how will you be able to hear your own? I want you to have the chance to choose good over evil as you learn the consequences. If you learn that your instincts are valid when the stakes aren't as high, then you'll be a pro by the time your life may depend on it. I have to trust that I've done my job. If you have the chance to fail and succeed on your own (based on your own best judgement), then you'll know who and what to avoid and you won't question or ignore your inner voice.
The fact of the matter is, I don't want you to need me to get by. But letting go isn't an easy task, nor is the process clear-cut. I'm not going to let you stay up until midnight, eat unlimited amounts of candy or watch TV until your big blue eyes turn red. Instead, I have been practicing asking you questions to get a feel for your perspective. My goal is to uncover and observe your strengths first, then help bring them to light and develop them into what will serve you best. It's hard not to ask you leading questions once I form my opinion and it's really hard to not tell you what I think or what you should do or how you should feel...I'm pretty sure by the time you read this, you will understand that this is an understatement. The practice benefits me, too. I want to trust and act on my own instincts more reliably and this keeps me focused on it.
I've seen you choose to do the right thing in an unprovoked way. You'll tell me that you already had a bath at dad's as your eyes dart away from mine. If I try to call you on it, you'll deny, deny, deny! But if I ask a follow up question in a non-accusatory manner, you'll pretty much confess that you haven't bathed by the end of your next sentence. I can't tell you how happy I am when that happens. What a brilliant child you are! I don't blame you for testing me, you're a worthy opponent. I grow more proud of you each day.
A song by Paul Simon to his daughter came on the radio about a week ago. I had heard it before, but it struck me this time because he advised her to trust her instincts. He didn't say, don't talk to strangers, don't do drugs, don't be a sore loser...this concept intrigues me! What a fabulous and brilliant instruction!
What are instincts and intuition? We are born with them, they are built in. Our parents try to convey the weight of their life lessons to enhance their offspring's intuition. Also, is built in. I feel certain that the sigh and eye-roll response from the child is also built in. Talk is cheap. Experience is a better teacher than a parent. This is hard to admit as a parent, and I don't plan to share this with you for a long time!
While the desire to try out our intuition comes early in life, as a parent I see now that it's harder to let you experience failure authentically, than it is to protect you from it. If I'm shouting with my inner voice, how will you be able to hear your own? I want you to have the chance to choose good over evil as you learn the consequences. If you learn that your instincts are valid when the stakes aren't as high, then you'll be a pro by the time your life may depend on it. I have to trust that I've done my job. If you have the chance to fail and succeed on your own (based on your own best judgement), then you'll know who and what to avoid and you won't question or ignore your inner voice.
The fact of the matter is, I don't want you to need me to get by. But letting go isn't an easy task, nor is the process clear-cut. I'm not going to let you stay up until midnight, eat unlimited amounts of candy or watch TV until your big blue eyes turn red. Instead, I have been practicing asking you questions to get a feel for your perspective. My goal is to uncover and observe your strengths first, then help bring them to light and develop them into what will serve you best. It's hard not to ask you leading questions once I form my opinion and it's really hard to not tell you what I think or what you should do or how you should feel...I'm pretty sure by the time you read this, you will understand that this is an understatement. The practice benefits me, too. I want to trust and act on my own instincts more reliably and this keeps me focused on it.
I've seen you choose to do the right thing in an unprovoked way. You'll tell me that you already had a bath at dad's as your eyes dart away from mine. If I try to call you on it, you'll deny, deny, deny! But if I ask a follow up question in a non-accusatory manner, you'll pretty much confess that you haven't bathed by the end of your next sentence. I can't tell you how happy I am when that happens. What a brilliant child you are! I don't blame you for testing me, you're a worthy opponent. I grow more proud of you each day.
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” ~Albert Einstein
I hope to help us both remember our gift. I love you.
Mom
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