Ashby
As I sit on a plane returning from a business trip, I
think about the plane dropping from the sky.
I'm not afraid to fly. I am
afraid of leaving you behind and not finishing my work as your mom. I'm really not afraid of much, so I'm taking the time to address my fear of leaving you behind by writing this. I haven't written in a long time, so I am
grateful.
I continue to be tasked with the challenge of embracing
uncertainty. This undertaking has been a
gift and I want to share it with you and explore of how much joy can come from accepting your
journey as uncertain. There will always
be more questions than answers. Try to
resist the urge to come to conclusions too soon or to tell yourself that
achievement of 'X' is what it will take to make you happy. How can you know if you've never experienced
'X'? What happens after you get to 'X'? Nothing bad will ever happen again because you got there? Also, resist the urge to see
adversity or failure as defeat. It's only over when you stop trying.
I often get jittery when traveling to a new place. My nervousness stems from not knowing what I
am supposed to do or which route I am supposed to take to get there. I was getting impatient waiting for a shuttle
from my hotel to the airport earlier today.
I took a moment to quiet my mind and looked around at the beautiful
landscaping. I became grateful for the
soft breeze and sunlight that warmed my skin.
I pulled the air into my lungs and I felt calmed by it. I became aware
that I was safe and my anxious state faded away. If I needed to call a cab to get to the
airport on time, I would call one. If I
needed help finding the right terminal, I would ask.
I was focusing on
how I wouldn't be successful at finding my way home instead of trusting that I
would. As I accepted my circumstance it
became clear that there were many ways to find my way if my initial path would
not lead me there. There will often be circumstances that can feel out of your
control. Accepting these as cathartic
opportunities can make finding equilibrium and peace shorter journey.
Some people think pacifism or 'going with the flow' is a non-active or weak way of
living. Quite the contrary, to accept an
impasse as immovable doesn't mean defeat, it's a chance to discover a new path
with the knowledge that it is the path you were intended to take all
along. Your spirit is much less damaged
by moving with your circumstances and being grateful for challenges than it is
by pushing against what is happening because your circumstances don't seem fair
or deserved. You must keep going.
A challenge to this is failure to acknowledge yourself as
divine. You are meant to love and be
loved. Loving yourself and treating
yourself as a dear friend is crucial in finding your way. Be still when negative feelings or self perceptions arise, do not feed it. Instead, listen quietly
and know as any dear friend would tell you that a flaw is only a flaw if it is
perceived as one. Love and forgive
yourself as the very first step in embracing the unknown that is your
life! Perceive yourself as a beloved
companion and don't give up on that relationship as long as you live no matter
how challenging. It is how you are meant
to be.
I can't protect you from the world as I watch you grow and interact out there. I can only hope that the small lessons along the way will teach you how powerful and brilliant your spirit is while still embracing your vulnerability to external circumstances. I've got my eyes on you, son. I am with you all the way. I will lend a hand, a shoulder or a screwdriver whenever you need a little help up. I don't think either one of us will stop learning or growing anytime soon...
All my love,
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment