Ashby,
When I was little, Matt and I went to Dad's every other weekend. Our home was without question at 4903 Orland Road. I worry about you feeling secure because you're at 11 Ellesmere Drive every Monday and Tuesday, then at your dad's Wednesday and Thursday and every other weekend. You end up with 2 or 4 nights at your dad's each week. Before we decided on what our custody arrangement would be, I tried to research it on-line. Every site I visited had an agenda or a point of view that they were trying to 'sell'. There wasn't much science or objective information about which custody arrangements are the most beneficial for children. I asked Donna if she knew about any studies because she works at Virginia Tech and teaches Sociology. She sent me the study that dad and I eventually based our custody arrangement on. Kids were more well adjusted (based on grades, school dicipline records, criminal record, personal accounts, etc ) when they had equal access to both parents. I remembered that Matt was resentful of Mom because he didn't get to see his dad after he moved out. I didn't want that to happen to you.
Nana urged me to get you into Karate right after dad moved out. It was every Monday and Wednesday. Dad and I both made it to nearly every one, so you got to see your dad an extra day. I think it helped you with the transition, too. Nana was integral in making it work. She not only paid for the first 4 months, she picked you up from school and took you there whenever she wasn't working. You gave her a hard time for a while. Usually it was because you were expecting your dad to pick you up from school. I tried to tell you what to expect each morning, but sometimes I forgot to tell you what day it was and sometimes your dad couldn't pick you up.
We were all trying to adjust to the huge change in our lives. Nana was preoccupied with making sure that I was OK when your dad first left because she didn't have much support when she went through her divorce. When she watched you, she would normally rush around the house cleaning or cooking so I wouldn't have so much to do when I got home. This left her with less time to play with you. Plus, she wasn't very good at imaginary sword-fighting or playing magic tranforming weaponized surfers, at least at first. You two definitely bonded, a little later on.
Each of us had to figure out what this new configuration meant to us. It wasn't easy, we had our own wounds that needed to heal on top of obsessing over keeping you emotionally whole. But, sort of like breaking in a new pair of shoes, we needed some time to pass before it became bearable.
When I was little, Matt and I went to Dad's every other weekend. Our home was without question at 4903 Orland Road. I worry about you feeling secure because you're at 11 Ellesmere Drive every Monday and Tuesday, then at your dad's Wednesday and Thursday and every other weekend. You end up with 2 or 4 nights at your dad's each week. Before we decided on what our custody arrangement would be, I tried to research it on-line. Every site I visited had an agenda or a point of view that they were trying to 'sell'. There wasn't much science or objective information about which custody arrangements are the most beneficial for children. I asked Donna if she knew about any studies because she works at Virginia Tech and teaches Sociology. She sent me the study that dad and I eventually based our custody arrangement on. Kids were more well adjusted (based on grades, school dicipline records, criminal record, personal accounts, etc ) when they had equal access to both parents. I remembered that Matt was resentful of Mom because he didn't get to see his dad after he moved out. I didn't want that to happen to you.
Nana urged me to get you into Karate right after dad moved out. It was every Monday and Wednesday. Dad and I both made it to nearly every one, so you got to see your dad an extra day. I think it helped you with the transition, too. Nana was integral in making it work. She not only paid for the first 4 months, she picked you up from school and took you there whenever she wasn't working. You gave her a hard time for a while. Usually it was because you were expecting your dad to pick you up from school. I tried to tell you what to expect each morning, but sometimes I forgot to tell you what day it was and sometimes your dad couldn't pick you up.
We were all trying to adjust to the huge change in our lives. Nana was preoccupied with making sure that I was OK when your dad first left because she didn't have much support when she went through her divorce. When she watched you, she would normally rush around the house cleaning or cooking so I wouldn't have so much to do when I got home. This left her with less time to play with you. Plus, she wasn't very good at imaginary sword-fighting or playing magic tranforming weaponized surfers, at least at first. You two definitely bonded, a little later on.
Each of us had to figure out what this new configuration meant to us. It wasn't easy, we had our own wounds that needed to heal on top of obsessing over keeping you emotionally whole. But, sort of like breaking in a new pair of shoes, we needed some time to pass before it became bearable.
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